My life in a book

So I am reading a book called High Infatuation by Steph Davis, a well-known female climber, and it is changing my life. When I read it, it is like I am reading a story of me. Kinda scary, but cool if I could ever get that good in climbing. So what if she is a dirtbag climber. I feel no need to judge anyone cuz in the end it doesn't really matter.
You are probably wondering why I called my blog "the end...at least temporarily." Well for the past-let's see-6 months I have been struggling trying to get the love of my life back, battling with my parents over religion, and determining what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Today, I finally decided to stop fighting and rely on God. Now I have done this a few times in the past couple months, but I always seem to think that I can take over about midway through. I guess the event that really changed things around for me was when 'Sweej' , the love of my life' decided that he didn't want me to come climbing with him because he was afraid it would send the wrong messages. I was furious and hurt. And after talking to a good friend who asked me about the situation, I learned that I cannot and never have been able to control this one. I've realized in the past year that I like to control things in my life, and it has been a severe struggle to 'let go and let God' as it's said. I have a career to focus on right now, and as selfish as that sounds, there are somethings that I have to do solely for me. If I get into CSU in two years for vet school, it will be a sign from God. If not, I will be bummed but it just means it will take me longer to get to him. So that is why it is called the end...temporarily. I am not saying Goodbye, I am saying not now. And I am scared as shit too. Letting him go means I might lose him forever, but if it is Godsent like I think it is, and we truly have a soul tie (I will elaborate in a later blog...maybe. It's pretty deep and personal), then we'll meet again. I love you.